DEAR SISTER BERRY - HARD RELATING WITH OTHER CHRISTIANS

Dear Sister Berry, I find it really difficult to relate with other Christians. They often come across as judgmental and sometimes, their own is just too much! - Miss saved and awkward

Dear saved and awkward, This comment and it's variants (i.e. I can't do business with a Christian, I can't hang out with church people, I don't watch Christian movies etc.) are things I have heard quite a few times. In fact a while ago, I remember talking to someone who was having issues with troublesome roommates. This fellow was going on a rant on how it had been difficult to find a peaceable person, and how they've had to settle so many fights. They were in dire need of a change, but didn't know what to do. So I suggested that they find someone from church or the school fellowship which they attended. Hmmm - the rest, they say is history, as the comment I got looked like the question this post is addressing.

My general approach to dealing with conflicts or issues involving other people is two-fold. The first approach is to examine what the Bible says about it. In this case, what does the Bible say about relating with other believers? The Bible actually admonishes us to give preference to our fellow believers. Think I'm joking? Check out these verses:

Be devoted to one another with [authentic] brotherly affection [as members of one family], give preference to one another in honor - Romans 12:10 [AMP] When we have the opportunity to do good to anyone, we should do it. But we should give special attention to those who are in the family of believers - Galatians 6:10 [ERV]

This makes perfect sense - God's word frequently describes the global Church as the body of Christ - which means each and every believer is a member of the body (1 Corinthians 12:27; Romans 12:4-5, Ephesians 4:15-16). When body parts fight each other or don't get along well, medicine has a terminology for it - it is a life-threatening condition called "autoimmune disease" (think Lupus, multiple sclerosis). No wonder Jesus spent a chunk of His time praying that His followers be united just before He went to the cross (John 17) My second approach to conflict is that I look inwardly. This may not be a popular approach, but it is one I find very helpful and helps me absolve others of blame. In this scenario, what we often perceive sometimes as "judgement" may just be the Holy Spirit's conviction of certain sins or wrongdoing in our lives that is usually amplified in the presence of other Christians. For example, some of the most "judgmental" stares I have gotten from other believers came at a time when I was having issues dressing appropriately. Ultimately, the ability to get along well with fellow believers (and everyone in general) is a function of our love walk. Humans offend each other, even the best of Christians.

While not perfect in any way; most of the best and life-transforming relationships I have ever nurtured have been with fellow Christians, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It is not possible to relate with everyone - nobody can. However, within the body of believers, there is a place for you - please, find your tribe.

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Dear Sister Berry dissects real questions about the Christian faith and it's intersection with life as we know it - simply by examining scriptures. Don't just take these answers for what it is, search the scriptures for yourself to see whether what we say is true (Acts 17:11).

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